Facing My Vulnerability
SHAME IS A POWERFUL DISTRACTION
Believing that I was weak and incapable kept me in a trance of unworthiness. I found myself stuck in stories of inadequacy and living outside of my own integrity. I believed that other people were more important than me, and I continually sold myself short. I even questioned how anyone could truly love me as they were unaware of my short comings and how wrong I was.
AN ACTOR JUST PLAYING A ROLE
Most of the time I felt like an imposter. Playing the role of a leader or any other authority figure felt fake to me. I would hide out not only from others, but from myself. I was convinced that I would be found out as an actor just playing a role. This dream would always lead to some form of temporary self-destruction. Isolation, obsession or compulsive thinking were my tools for self-soothing during moments of vulnerability.
VULNERABILITY IS THE BEST WAY TO WHOLENESS
I have since learned that allowing myself to be vulnerable is the best way to wholeness. Feeling the pain and shame that I am experiencing in the moment, and then forgiving myself opened my heart to greater understanding. This compassion and vulnerability allowed me to see the tenderness of my own heart–comforting me with devotion and hopefulness.
Not resisting what I was feeling took practice. I had to become aware of the terrorizing stories I was telling myself about me–stories that I was alone and ill-equipped to solve my own problems; that I was unloved and unable to feel love; and that I just was not enough.
VULNERABILITY IS MY STRENGTH
I now believe vulnerability is my strength. It allows me to connect with the compassion and sweet tenderness of my own heart. It allows me to understand the universal vulnerability of all mankind.
WHY IS THAT STORY TRUE
Ask yourself, “Why do you believe any story about you that makes you not enough?” Now ask, “Why is that story true?” Next ask yourself, “How do you feel when you believe the story that you are not enough?” Now imagine what your life would be like if that story was just an illusion. What if that story is not true, but just another victim story that you habitually tell yourself? Imagining yourself free of that limited story is the awareness needed to transcend it. Give yourself that gift of love NOW.
REMEMBER TO REMEMBER.
Photo by jesuscm